Engagement and Marriage

Diane commented on my "Tagged" post, so I figured this story bears some telling.

Robert and I are not "the norm" in any respect. We like being unique. Our courtship and marriage is part of that unique story.......

Rewind to 1997. That's when Robert moved to Fresno and began attending the University Ward, where I attended Church. His roommate was a friend of my sister, so they attended the Sunday School class I helped teach. I thought that Robert was nice, and I loved to hear him read, so I always called upon him to read things when I was teaching. We were both actively pursuing other people, so I didn't have designs on him. I didn't know him.

My friend, Alicia, and I put together several "girls ask the guys out" dates and other parties during the course of a year. In November we were having a murder mystery party, and we decided to ask Robert to come, so we could get to know him better (still not "interested" in each other though). We had a good time, and that night Robert learned that I was not the "boring Molly Mormon" he'd thought. I met him at the door with purple, spiked hair; nose ring (fake), spider tattoo (also fake), leather dog collar and leather coat, and IBC cream soda (no label). He didn't recognize me right away. I'd post a picture, but I haven't found that box since the move. My character was "Sunny Bodine" and she was a BAD Biker Babe--she was the leader of a ladie's biker gang. Anyway, that kind of began a more social contact for the two of us, but we were still actively pursuing others.

In December, I got really sick (I know, SO weird!). I knew that Robert had to drive right past my house to go to Church, and I asked him to come pick up my lesson materials for my partner teacher--it was my turn to teach that week, and I was NOT up to it! I left the front door unlocked and told him that what he needed was on the dining room table. He called down the hall and asked if there was anything I needed. And that was the beginning...... still not interested in each other though........

Every day that week (and I was really sick--some respiratory thing that knocked me on my butt!), Robert would call or come by. He brought me Sprite when I was feeling nauseated. He called to make sure I didn't need anything. Robert was being Robert. He genuinely cares about other people and he takes his committments seriously. He actively tries to help others. This was during the time of finals for him though, so his time was limited. Some days he and Rick (his roommate) came by to check on me; other days he just called. Then, when I was feeling better, Robert and Rick would come by to watch movies or hang out. I started to realize that I was looking forward to these times.

But I WASN'T interested in Robert. After all, he's younger than me, was still in school, has facial hair, and his name is ROBERT. There are plenty of Robert's in my life: my grandpa, my dad, my brother, and now my husband..... I voiced this to my friend, Alicia, once, and she called me on it! Alicia told me that those were some pretty ridiculous reasons to NOT give someone a chance--what if I blew off a chance for something really GOOD for THOSE reasons. It was at that point that I started to think, "maybe....."

Toward the end of December, we were pretty much hanging out all the time. Robert went grocery shopping with me for school (I taught cooking), we washed our cars, we cooked together, we watched lots of movies, and we talked a LOT (I know, it's a stretch of the imagination to think of either of us talking). Right after Christmas, I considered that we were "dating" but we'd never been on a traditional date. We'd logged HOURS together, but not the formal, "dinner and a movie" kind of hours.

The first week in January, I went to lunch with my sister, Laura, and I told her that I was going to marry Robert. She almost passed out in shock as she asked, "You're not TALKING about that yet, are you?!" No, but I KNEW that I'd marry him. January 23rd, he kind of asked. I didn't say yes, I said something like, "duh."

We'd NEVER discussed marriage--NEVER! I was scared to death to bring it up. But apparently, Robert had been thinking about it too, because when I got to school on the morning of the 23rd, the Principal caught me and said that he needed to talk to me, and he asked me to wait on the "naughty bench." I was wondering if I was going to get chewed out because I was getting to school about 5-10 minutes later than I should have. The bell rang and Jack still hadn't talked to me. I waited another minute and decided that I had to GO--I had kids waiting for me. I opened the door and on my chalk board were the words:

How do you feel about
Maree Elizabeth Nickel
for eternity?

To say that I was shocked or speechless was an understatement. I was also very happy. But the first words out of my mouth (he was hiding in my room) were not, "YES" but "can I erase the board?" I'm sure that made Robert nervous--and he doesn't really get nervous. But I didn't want to share that wonderful moment with my room full of 7th graders. I wanted to savor it for a moment myself. He says he had to ASK me and that I said, "DUH!" I only have a vague recollection of this.

The rest of that day was SHOT! My thanks to my many friends who covered my class while I wandered around the school spreading my good news with my friends at work. I left early that day and we went to see my parents and some of my other relatives. That night we had our first "official" date (previously scheduled), so we were engaged before we ever went on a formal date.

If my daughter did that, I think I'd croak! But I was OLD. I wasn't an 18-year-old girl. I'd dated enough to know what I was looking for, and I recognized that in Robert (once I got over the whole younger, facial hair, name thing).

So it wasn't a stretch to have a short engagement. We knew we wanted to get married. Why waste time waiting?! We were married 74 days later in the San Diego Temple. It was the BEST decision either of us has ever made, and I haven't regretted a minute of it. I'd do it all again. But I'd warn Robert that my eyes leak when I'm happy--when he saw me that morning at the Temple, he wondered if I'd changed my mind. I wouldn't want him to re-live that panic! Now it has been more than 10 years. I love him even more now than I did then.

Pictures for this post must be scanned first--check back next week if you want to see photos. Uh, I guess I really DO have CRS, because I kind of blogged about this already.....See THIS post for the photos. I was wrong when I wrote that post--it really is 74 days engaged, not 71. Math genius, I am not.